Happy Birthday! Love Letter: Month 36

Dear Jackson and Tradd,

Today at 1:09pm I was standing in line at a concession stand. You were huddled with Daddy in section 12 trying to stay warm...I wanted to be with you at that exact moment, but I missed it. Today was your third birthday and we took you to your first Carolina Baseball game of the season (certainly not your first game...that was 33 months ago). We wanted to do something special with you two, but I wanted to hold your hands when 1:09 and 1:10 came to close my eyes and think back to the first time I ever laid eyes on you.

Your daddy and I did have our moment though. After we finally ate our lunch and made our way far, far away from section 12-where the sun doesn't shine- we settled into new seats in the sunshine. You climbed into our laps and in minutes you were both fast asleep. So there we sat holding you like we did that first day...as warm as we could get you and as close to our bodies as possible. We talked about what we were doing at that very moment 3 years ago...by now it was almost two o'clock. Daddy said I was just out of the operating room and he had just walked out to introduce you to everyone. We talked about how you have transformed physically from 5 pounds to 30, from inches to feet...but mostly how you have transformed our hearts. We do not deserve you. You two have changed the way that we love each other. Everytime I look at you I see him...so in loving you I am loving him more. As a side note, your Daddy has become this big ball of mushiness since you were born so I had to change the subject before either of us started crying right there in the stadium.

Next year, I will hold your hands at 1:09 and 1:10, but after today I will stop and hold your daddy's hand, too. And we will remember together...

Happy Birthday, Sweet Angels.

Love,
Mama

i heart picnics

One day last week (when we thought spring was here only to realize it was a tease) the boys and I had a picnic in the backyard. We packed a lunch of turkey sandwiches and climbed into "the clubhouse". We listened to the birds and planes and waited patiently for the rabbit,who occasionally lives in our yard, to make an appearance. We talked about their upcoming birthday, for which Jackson told me he wanted a rainbow, and I answered the question that hangs over the three of us alldayeveryday24/7, "Mama, where's Daddy?" To which I answer, "Work"..."Yeah, he's at wurt" one replies. We soaked in the sunshine and the company. Picnics should be a part of every single day...

Open Your Eyes

This is what happens when I try to take pictures of two "almost" three year olds...I eventually just gave up.

Love Letter: Month Thirty-five

Dear Tradd and Jackson,
A few days ago you turned thirty-five months old. Don't worry...I never say it in months when people ask me because I know it would sound kind of freakish, I always round up to three. Three years old sounds so old compared to thirty-five months. It's weird that parents do this. Before I had you I never understood why parents spoke in months..."How old is your baby?"..."Oh, he's 16 months old." And there I would stand counting on my fingers trying to figure out how old the kid was. To be honest, I found it quite annoying...until I too became a month counter. Funny the things we say we will never do until....well, we do.

Your little brains have been working overtime for the past few months. You are trying to create conversations and are very determined to "Do myself, Mama!" I am also amazed at your memories. We will do something one time and a few weeks later something will come up in one of your conversations and you go right back to it like it just happened yesterday. I hope that stays with you because I do not remember much about my childhood. I have these little pockets in my mind that are very vivid, but it often takes someone reminding about a popular toy or TV show to jog me. It's funny because when I was growing up, everyday I thought about being a Mommy and now that I am one, everyday I think about being a kid.

One of the things that I've been thinking a lot about lately is what you will remember about your childhood. Will you remember that our house was spotless? Will you remember that dishes never piled up in our sink? No...you will remember your daddy wrestling with you on the floor of your bedroom and playing puzzles with mama on the kitchen floor. You will remember saying the blessing together at our table holding hands and building tents out of bed sheets. One of the hardest things about being home with you is giving myself permission to just BE with you. One day, when you both leave for college, I will sit in a house with spit-shined floors and clean dishes and wish for hand prints on the windows and dried food on the table. I will have plenty of time for a perfect house...now I just want a perfectly happy one.

Love,
Mama